And I quote…

Lazy post today. Heard while hanging out with the knee-high set…

“Oh! Oh, look! A fwink-lar!!!”

“Hey, who tored all the flowers off the plant?”
“Me!!!”

“Whatchoo doin’?”
“Goin’ pee.”
“But you isn’t onna potty.”
“No. My diaper is cold and now is warm.”

“Get your finger outta your nose!”
pause
“Get your finger outta your mouth!”

“Is your head stuck? Do you need help?”
inarticulate wail
“I will help.”
louder wail
“I won’t help if you yell at me!”

“You can’t sit here. I am sitting here.”
“Sitting here!”
“No, I am sitting here!”
“Sitting here.”
“I am sitting here first!”
“Sitting here!”
“Stop saying ’sitting here’!”
“Sitting here!”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

“You don’t go behind the couch. You will get stuck.”
scuffling
“I SAID, you don’t go back there. You will get stuck.”
scuffling. wail.
“Are you behind the couch?”
scuffling. wail.
“Are you stuck?”
scuffling. wail.
“Good!“

“My mommy’s a grome-up.”
“And my daddy’s a grampa!”

“I am not a girl. I am a boy.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am a boy.”
“No, I am a boy. You are a girl.”
“I am a boy.”
“Does you have a penis?”
silence
“Does you? I have a penis. Does you have a penis?”
silence
“Then you’re not a boy.”
silence. Then, quietly,
“Penis is stupid.”