It’s Not All Mary Poppins

You might be a daycare provider if…

It’s been over ten years since you’ve peed with the bathroom door entirely shut during working hours.

You habitually come out of the bathroom still zipping up, so as not to waste a single extra second in there.

You wash your hands in the kitchen sink instead of the bathroom, so as not to waste a single extra second in there.

You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.

Your idea of a good time is doing a potty dance because of a steaming pot of poo. In your living room.

Discussing the bowel movements (neither your own nor your children’s) over dinner seems perfectly normal to you.

You find humour in snot, boogers, vomit and poop.

Every time you go out, every time, someone will ask you, “Are they all yours???”

Your alarm bells start ringing when you suddenly realize, “Gosh, they’re quiet,” and you know they’re awake.

Whenever you phone someone, it immediately either gets very quiet (cf “alarm bells”, above), or VERY VERY LOUD.

You never, ever have a drink (alcoholic) during your work day… but you probably need one more than any other profession.

You sniff butts at work. Every day.

You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled, “Saying No is Easy. Just do it, dammit!”

Your favourite hallucinogen is exhaustion.

You find yourself writing the word “gots” and wondering why spellcheck won’t accept it.

When a parent calls to tell a child is sick, you commiserate verbally while doing a fist-pump in the air.

Okay. I know there are other care-givers out there reading this. Anything to add, ladies?

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January 28, 2010 - Posted by | daycare, eeewww, health and safety, random and odd | , , , ,

13 Comments »

  1. When you find yourself reaching down to tie someone’s shoelaces-and the someone is your age.

    When you buy t-shirts the kids would like that no self-respecting adult would allow in the house.

    When you cannot stay in your chair for an entire meal.

    When you refer to your own bodily functions as “going potty”.

    Comment by jwg | January 28, 2010 | Reply

  2. @jpwg: I once excused myself from a table of adults by saying I needed to go potty. (Preschool teacher)

    when you don’t put your hands in your pockets because you know that one pocket is clean tissues and the other is someone else’s dirty tissues.

    Comment by Jill in Atlanta | January 28, 2010 | Reply

  3. i have had THE crappiest morning in nannyland and then i come and read this and it makes me laugh. thank you.

    i’d add to it, but my brain is so frazzled already that i can’t think straight. but thank you for a little levity.

    i do agree about the permit to reproduce, btw! :)

    Comment by shelly | January 28, 2010 | Reply

  4. Bwa hahaha, a lot of this applies also to parenting, but my favorite parts were the fist-pump in the air and the daily butt sniffing. LOL

    Comment by Jen | January 28, 2010 | Reply

  5. Bahahaha, I laughed out loud at the fourth one. ;)

    It’s been so long since I’ve worked with little ones so nothing comes to mind.

    Comment by Zayna | January 28, 2010 | Reply

  6. when you wake up in the middle of the night dreaming about babies crying and find that you have been patting/rubbing your husband’s back to help him go back to sleep.

    when you come home from work and your dog races to greet you: not because he missed you, but because your clothes are COVERED in noms…strained peas, spit-up, who knows what that was?…

    Comment by Liz | January 28, 2010 | Reply

  7. Oh, this is genius.

    When you constantly say things that would get very strange looks in other jobs, or maybe get that person fired- we don’t put our hands in our pants. She doesn’t want you to pick her nose. His penis is private- don’t touch it.

    Comment by daycare girl | January 28, 2010 | Reply

  8. When you’ve gone out in public with stickers stuck to your clothing that you didn’t know were there.

    When you’ve taken off your bra at night and found Cheerios from the baby.

    When your lunch regularly consists of whatever the children left on their plates.

    When leaves and rocks are heartfelt gifts you’re proud to display.

    When the local store keeps Elmer’s Glue and Crayola products stocked JUST for you.

    Comment by Cole | January 28, 2010 | Reply

  9. When you’ve perfected the “look” and use it on random kids in public… and it works.

    When you’ve started to cut the food into bite sized pieces. For your spouse.

    Hanging out with friends for a Friday night and notice there’s blue play-doh stuck under your nails.

    Comment by QandleQueen | January 28, 2010 | Reply

  10. When you put food down in front of grown-ups and say “HOT”!!

    Comment by MummyMaker | January 29, 2010 | Reply

  11. When your husband reminds you that you don’t really need to repeat his every phrase back to him.

    When you go to the grocery store wearing a maccaroni necklace.

    When teaching a yoga class to adult women you tell them to roll over, sit up and “tuck up, criss cross apple sauce”. I actually did this just the other night, it just came out of my mouth before I even realized it! Most of the women just stared blankly at me but one woman works with me and she could hardly stop laughing!

    Comment by Carrie | January 30, 2010 | Reply

  12. - you hear yoursefl using the stock phrases (“not okay” etc.)

    – you’ve become nonchalant about the wearing o’ the green – snot, peas, etc. – on your clothes, and have no second thoughts about wiping other children’s noses.

    – you’ve discovered that THAT tone of voice and the accompanying eyebrow usually work on adults, too.

    – you dress for work in clothes that you can crawl on the ground in

    – you have a fine collection of kids books and puppets at home – and no kids.

    Comment by kittenpie | February 1, 2010 | Reply

  13. when you reach for gloves when you change your babies diaper.

    Comment by arleen newhouse | February 19, 2010 | Reply


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