It’s Not All Mary Poppins

None so dumb as folk…

Ads. Internet ads. There’s no avoiding them. They’re in your gmail account, they’re on Facebook, they’re at the top and sides of almost every page out there. For the most part, I ignore them without difficulty.

Except for the ones that bounce and flash and jiggle. Lordy, they’re annoying. You can’t ignore those ones, but who in their right mind would reward those morons by clicking that link, or, worse, purchasing the product? Ugh. Mostly, I leave that page immediately. (Hear that, Internet ad-purchasers? Those jiggly, flashing, bouncing ads DRIVE ME FROM THE PAGE!) If I must stay on that page, I usually put a sticky note on my monitor to block them out.

So, those are annoying. But the ones — it’s a genre, I guess — that have been irking me lately are the ones that promise to tell you THE ONE SECRET YOUR DOCTOR DOESN’T WANT YOU TO KNOW!!!

Because your doctor, you know, keeps secrets from you. Secrets that, so it’s implied, could improve your health. Your doctor, see, even though she’s a health-care provider, a person who studied bodies and health and how to make/keep people well for the better part of a decade … she really, in her secret heart of hearts, wants you to be sick.

It’s part of a massive medical conspiracy!!!

Like, the average eating and exercise habits of the average North American are not enough to keep a doctor busy for the rest of her natural life. Like, the regular routine bumps and bruises, accidents and disease that befall all of humanity are not sufficient fodder for her talents.

NO! A doctor needs to make sure YOU — you there in your armchair, sitting at home, thinking you’re healthy — she needs to make sure YOU get and stay sick.

Hippocratic Oath? Pshaw!

Honest to pete. And you know those ads must work, because they just don’t go away.

There are some dumb people out there. Lordy.


Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
Mahatma Ghandi

About these ads

April 23, 2013 - Posted by | Peeve me, random and odd | ,

6 Comments »

  1. While I totally agree with your sentiments, there IS a way to avoid the ads. Install AdBlock. It’s free, works with Firefox AND Chrome, and just removes all ads. Instead of flashing, beeping, and “Dr. Oz’s Amazing Diet Tips”, you just see white space.

    I only installed it a couple of weeks ago (I’m late to the party) and I still can’t believe how many ads I was exposed to in the run of a day.

    Ha! I just switched from Firefox to Chrome, and installed AdBlock at the same time. Yesterday!! So I’m very much looking forward to all that lovely white space. (Though in honesty, I may miss the Holly Yashi ads… :-D)

    Comment by Hannah | April 23, 2013 | Reply

  2. I love AdBlock, I definitely second Hannah’s suggestion. But that doesn’t help the poor gullible fools who click those links. They’re often about weight loss or teeth whitening in my experience – people always want magic solutions to those!

    I’m not sure whether to have compassion on them, or to think that some people are so impervious to information/learning/common sense, they just have to learn things the hard way… No, you’re a nicer person than me, May: compassion is definitely the best course!

    Comment by May | April 23, 2013 | Reply

  3. Hannah got there first. I was about Ti say the same thing. I haven’t seen ads in years.

    Comment by IfByYes | April 23, 2013 | Reply

  4. I’ll tag on an agreement. I haven’t seen ads in years and am always surprised when others refer to them.

    Comment by Jill in Atlanta | April 23, 2013 | Reply

  5. The free phone apps that have ads suggest that you pay for the app to remove those annoying ads – but if the advertisers know they’re annoying, why do they pay for them to go on the app?

    Comment by Z | April 27, 2013 | Reply

  6. Mary, you’ll get a kick out of this: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/dermatologists-hate-me-for-this-one-weird-trick

    Comment by Sara Sasse | April 27, 2013 | Reply


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