The Things You Hear Yourself Saying…
part one of a million, I’m sure:
We don’t drive cars on the piano. Thanks.
He doesn’t like it when you stick things in his ear.
If you need to touch that, go to the bathroom.
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It's Not All Mary Poppins 
Ha! This reminds me of something my sister-in-law once said to her 4-year-old:
“Peter, put down your blankie and your gun and come to the table for dinner.”
if you need to touch that, go to the bathroom
we say that a hundred times a day here. i swear, a hundred.
Sharkey: Awww, this is very good. Peter’s in touch with his gentle and his authoritative sides. He’s on his way to being a Sensitive, New Age Man. With a gun.
Rita: I have friends with a code word for their son who never lets that thing go “Hands up, Sam!” Works like a charm, and is better than “If you don’t stop playing with that, it’ll Fall Right Off!” which an exasperated aunt once barked at a young cousin.
Thank you for sharing the little funnies. If you need to touch that… lol.
Two of my recent ones are:
“I may have two ears but I only have one brain” For when all four decide to talk to me at once.
“Listen with your ears not your mouth” When they won’t shut up when I’m trying to talk to them
The all time favourite…
Q. Why?
A. Because I said so!!!
Oh my lord I’ve turned into my Dad
Arrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!
August: that one was my favourite, too. Little boys…
Si: these from the parent who is solidly outnumbered by his offspring. “Two ears and one brain”: I’ll have to remember that one!
Aginoth: Apparently your children are much like you were as a boy…
Someone once gave me a button that says “Because I’m your mother, that’s why.” Sometimes a parent just has to pull rank. 🙂
I find that “Cry quietly!” delivered with a firm, don’t mess with Daddy look, works well for me. I’ve also gotten it to work on other people’s kids now and then! 🙂
I have recently said the following:
“We don’t lick the television.”
“No, you may NOT take your poopy diaper off in the pool.”
My favorite of your is definitely “If you need to touch that, go to the bathroom.” I will definitely use that in the future!!! 🙂
Hausfrau, I can’t TELL you how many times I’ve said “We don’t lick the television”!! And the table, and the door, and the phone, and the floor.
Overheard in the supermarket:
“Superheroes don’t throw fruit.”
“Superheroes don’t throw fruit”! That’s my current favourite. I think we have the makings of a book here, folks…
Simon: I say “You may cry, but you may NOT scream”, and “If you want to cry, do it quietly”, so often that it doesn’t even sound strange to me any more…
Hausfrau: don’t lick the television! I love it. One of mine, at age three, used to stand beside me, hold my hand, and lick my arm, starting at the wrist, and going as high as she could reach. At the time, though I always stopped her, I thought it was just quirky and even a bit cute. Now I just think it’s revolting…
Here’s one from My experience with Beaver-Scouts .
In your nose is not a good place for that.
That’s a good one, because it leaves just enough to the imagination. We assume “that” is a finger, but it could be so many things… I seem to recall someone I know once shoving a bean or a raisin or some such up his nose when he was very young.