It’s Not All Mary Poppins

More Why’s

Harry, to my sixteen-year-old son, Adam, who is playing a computer game:  Why are you playing that game?

Adam:  Because I like it.

Harry: (You know this is coming, don’t you?) Why do you like it?

Adam:  Don’t get all philosophical on me, kid.

Harry:  Okay!

September 16, 2005 Posted by | Uncategorized | 10 Comments

Sleep, Little Baby

Please.

Little Alice is the unhappy recipient of a little sleep training these days. I’m not sure how much success I can expect to have since I only have her two or three days a week. Her sleep patterns are erratic and generally insufficient: 25 – 45 minutes is not enough for a child her age – or for me! I’m aiming for an hour an a half, minimum. Each and every day. Today she made it to an hour without waking. Progress, indeed. I decided I would insist on the extra half hour.

At time of writing, she is – intermittently, thankfully – registering her heart-felt indignation, one might well say outrage, at this situation. This is progress. Last week it was not intermittent. At all. And in another 4 minutes I will go rescue her.

And me, I sip my tea, I blog a bit, I tidy the kitchen, I hum to myself, because it’s Friday, and I am less than two hours from the weekend!!

September 16, 2005 Posted by | Uncategorized | 8 Comments

Let Me Make this one thing Perfectly Clear

Yesterday was one of those “Lord, give me strength” days with Harry. Here’s one example of many…

I send George and Darcy upstairs for a precautionary pre-park pee. Harry has been recently, so when he informs me,

“I don’t have to go pee,” I respond with a quick,

“Okay, Harry, I’ll trust you on that.”

“I won’t go upstairs,” he expands, “because I don’t need to use the toilet.”

Thinking he perhaps hadn’t understood my idiom, I explain myself. “It’s all right, Harry. I know you don’t need to pee. You don’t have to try again.”

“Because I don’t need to pee.”

“That’s right.” Phew. Glad we’ve sorted that one out.

“So I’m not going to go upstairs.”

“No, you’re not. We’re going to get our shoes on and go to the park.” Let’s move on to the next thing, think about the park, shall we?

As he sits to put on his sandals, he comments, “I already went pee, and I don’t have to go use the toilet.”

I give him a look. We have, as far as I’m concerned, thoroughly wrung every last ounce of entertainment value from this particular subject. I speak slowly and very, very clearly, my words weighted with meaning. “No. You’re not going upstairs, because you don’t need to pee. It’s all right, Harry. I understand.”

“I don’t have to go pee, so I’m not going to go up-”

All right, Harry!”

He subsides.

Today it’s making me laugh!!

September 16, 2005 Posted by | Uncategorized | 8 Comments

All I Want, redux

Just so you can see how thoroughly tongue-in-cheek that song was, I’m giving you the final two verses:

I want my hand on the wheel of fortune
I want my lottery numbers to match
Some people out there are screatching and winning–
I just scratch and scratch and scratch.
I want the body of an Olympic athlete:
the mighty arms and the powerful thighs,
flexibility and aerobic fitness
without doing any exercise.

Chorus.

I want a job full or gratification
that pays a six-digit salary:
something exciting with status and power
but no responsibility.
I want a mate full of wisdom and beauty
a heart of gold and a PHD
I want a woman who is total perfection
but doesn’t notice any faults in me.

September 15, 2005 Posted by | Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Context, please

George: Have you ever seen a rolling stone?
Darcy: No, I haven’t.
George: Neither have I, but they’re very loud.
.
.
.
.
.
.

(We had a Stones concert in town this summer.)

September 15, 2005 Posted by | Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Dr. Freud, Jr.

A heap of duplo rattles on my livingroom floor as the three boys crouched around it sift and sort through the mass of primary-coloured blocks. Harry, George, and Darcy, each busily stacking the blocks into towers and helicopters, garages and truck, dogs and trees. All their creations look strikingly similar: skyscrapers of varying heights, layers of red, blue, green and yellow. George notices Harry’s tower. It is by far the tallest any of them have managed to create thus far.

“What is it, Harry?” George’s voice is squeaky with interest.

“It’s an alarm clock.” Harry is quite sure of this.

“An alarm clock? What for?”

“For emergencies. It’s on the town hall. The bell will ring for emergencies.”

George scans the height of it. “It’s very tall.”

Harry considers this a moment. “Yes. Yes, it is very tall. I guess it could be a penis.”

September 15, 2005 Posted by | Uncategorized | 9 Comments

The Things You Hear Yourself Saying, Part 2 (3?)

Stop licking your nose, please.

We don’t kiss strange dogs.

Oh, dear. Zach didn’t mean to spray his tortilla on your new shirt.

September 15, 2005 Posted by | Uncategorized | 7 Comments

It’s all in your Perspective

Thus proving that nothing is all bad.

Bibs, formerly viewed with some disfavour by the older children, are now welcomed with great enthusiasm, for no longer are they lowly spill-catchers, symbol of littleness and clumsiness; no, they are now chest-protectors, as worn by mighty baseball catchers, strong and valiant.

September 14, 2005 Posted by | Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Sidewalks, sidewalks!!


Soon, oh so soon, I will be able to push the stroller so smoothly down the street.

September 14, 2005 Posted by | Uncategorized | 5 Comments

All I Want

…is for you to be able to hear the jaunty reggae tune that accompanies the following lyrics by Tom Lips. “All I Want” is the title of the song from his first disk Made of Sky Here’s the first verse and chorus:

Look around at the winners and losers:
there is no justice under the sun
but if the pattern of success is random
why shouldn’t I be the lucky one?

Chorus:
All I want is an unfair advantage
all I want is to beat the odds
all I want is incredible fortune
flung to me from the lap of the gods.
all I want! oh, that’s all, that’s all I want!

Your grin for the day.

September 14, 2005 Posted by | Uncategorized | 2 Comments