It’s Not All Mary Poppins

Excremental Vision

The above title makes reference to a series of lectures I attended in university, “Swift’s Excremental Vision” focussing on Gulliver’s Travels in particular. In truth, when the long-suffering professor could be heard over the adolescent sniggering of the 19 and 20 year olds in front of her, she had some interesting things to say on the subject. My tykes may be years – decades, even – before they reach such exulted heights of learning, but they are preparing for it with gusto!

We’ve been singing a lot lately, but in addition to the nice little children’s ditties I teach them, they’ve been doing a lot of improvisation. Bob the Builder’s theme song is a particular favourite.

So far this week, we’ve heard,

“Bo-ob the builder! Can we fix it? No. We. Can’t!” (Okay, so that’s not excremental humour, but I like it, even though I know I’ve blogged on it before.)

Then there’s, “Bob the builder! Can we pee-pee? Yes, we can!” I like it: potty-positive singing.

And of course, “Bob the builder! Can we poo-poo? Yes, we can!” Only fair to give both functions equal time.

Or this variation, “Bob the builder! Can we fix it? No, we poo!” I don’t quite get it, but Darcy practically pees himself over this one. Which is in keeping with the theme, after all.

Darcy’s ultimate, not-to-be-superceded contribution to this theme was the tuneless little ditty he produced while leaning over the arm of the loveseat. Er – sorry Darcy – the side of the boat. Looking down into the “water” that was my living room floor, he carolled away, “There’s water down there! There’s pee and poop and barf and snot down there.” Some days, he wouldn’t be too far off. Darcy has a finely honed excremental vision.

Sounds much classier than “potty humour”, doesn’t it?

October 20, 2005 - Posted by | eeewww, potty tales


  1. Ah well, some university types were paid very well a few years ago to research childrens views of poo, & they decided that we don’t naturally find excrement (or other bodily excretions) disgusting. It’s something we learn from our elders at about 3 or 4 years ish. so this is as normal a topic of conversation to toddlers as eating, bathing or anything else.

    Something I could not explain to the revolting dog-owner who told me that “Even if (my kids) were unlucky enough to touch (the dog poo he’d just allowed his pet to leave on my driveway), they wouldn’t be stupid enough to put it anywhere near their faces, so it doesn’t matter that it might contain toxoplasmosis infections”!

    Comment by Mrs.Aginoth | October 20, 2005 | Reply

  2. Charlie asked me the other day why poop doesn’t come out of his penis.

    Got a song for that one?

    Comment by Susan | October 20, 2005 | Reply

  3. LOL @ Susan!!!

    At least they’re a creative bunch Mary.

    Comment by kimmyk | October 20, 2005 | Reply

  4. Susan, try explaining to Mstr A that LMB can still pee safely without a penis. He’s sure that she can only poo!

    Comment by Mrs.Aginoth | October 20, 2005 | Reply

  5. Thank goodness for two of the same. No explaining the differences until we choose to.

    Although, returning to the subject at hand (no icky pun intended), princess number two still has a tendancy to get very excited after pooping and once in a while won’t flush it until everyone has come to admire her handiwork. Ahh the joys of returning home from work to be greeted by requests to view poop so that the toilet can be flushed.

    You know, they just don’t tell you about this stuff in pre-marital counseling. 😉

    Comment by Simon P. Chappell | October 20, 2005 | Reply

  6. MrsA: This is something they had to pay someone to find out? Doesn’t anybody pay attention to their children? I’ve seen children fingerpaint with the stuff…

    Would your neighbour’s logic apply in reverse, I wonder? Should a diaper happen somehow to leave a little toddler poo on his driveway, would it be fine to let it lie, because he’s not going to put it near his face? How bizarre.

    Susan: Darcy’s not here today. I’ll ask him when he returns on Monday!

    Kimmyk: Isn’t it great? 😀

    Simon: I think it’s easier if there’s some of each. That way, once the big discovery is made around 2 1/2 that there are difference under the diaper, they don’t waste much thought on it. For another decade or so, anyway…

    What a good daddy you are. Do you make all the right “isn’t it wonderful” noises as you gaze into the noisome bowl?

    If we knew too much of this stuff prior to procreating, the population of the planet would be in serious jeopardy, I fear! Parenting, like old age, is not for sissies.

    Comment by Mary P. | October 20, 2005 | Reply

  7. My son can fit the words “poo” or “poop” into ANY song! We’re quite proud.

    Both of my children still want to proudly show off their accomplishments in the bathroom before they’ll flush. Now that N is 7, we’re trying to tell her that we’ll believe her descriptions!

    Comment by LoryKC | October 20, 2005 | Reply

  8. Lory: And well you should be proud. It’s so good that your encourage your children to develop their talents!

    As for the 7-year still-viewing-the-poo dilemma? Supportive mommy that you are, your pretend enthusiasm was too convincing! Try perfecting your “ho-hum” response, and maybe your lack of enthusiasm will reduce theirs.

    Comment by Mary P. | October 20, 2005 | Reply

  9. Thankfully, the occurances of excitement over pooping are much reduced these days, but yes, there used to be much excitement and even, get this, group hugs.

    I guess the family that celebrates poop together stays together.

    Comment by Simon P. Chappell | October 20, 2005 | Reply

  10. Simon: Group poop hugs – definitely a recipe for family unity!

    Comment by Mary P. | October 20, 2005 | Reply

  11. […] Everyone involved in the film seemed to be having a great time. There was rather a lot of the excremental vision in it, arising out of all the rape and dismemberment and viruses that liquify the flesh, coming […]

    Pingback by Culture high and low « Harvest Bird | June 4, 2008 | Reply

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