Just a Leeeetle Accident

We are preparing to go out. The children are all wearing their sweaters or jackets, and the ones in diapers are wearing their shoes. The undiapered ones are being sent to the toilet one at a time before donning footwear. George is putting his shoes on, and Darcy awaits his turn when there is a call from upstairs.

Arthur is on his way down, talking, talking, talking. This is nothing out of the ordinary, of course. Except he’s explaining something. “I got some pee on the floor. There’s a leeeetle bit of pee onna floor. It’s okay, because it was just an accident. Accidents happen, sometimes. Just a little bit of pee onna floor, because I forgot to push my penis down.” Understand that none of this is at all anxious. He’s not worried about my response and trying to calm me down in advance, he’s just talking. Talking, talking, talking. He’s not even talking to me. All these words are being addressed to his feet, in calm and cheerful conversational tones, as he comes, one step, one step down the fifteen stairs.

“Sometimes when the pee comes fast, you can have a little accident, and sometimes when the pee comes fast, a liiiittle pee will get onna floor, but it’s okay because accidents happen, sometimes, and I just didn’t push my penis down in time, but I’m just a little boy and sometimes when you’re just little you can get a little pee on the floor and that’s okay and it’s not hard to clean up because sometimes pee just comes a little fast and you if you don’t push your penis down it gets on the floor a little bit…”

I pass through the wall of words and go up to survey the damage.

“A little bit of pee.” The ammonia stench makes my eyes water, and the pee! The pee, it runs from the front of the toilet to the wall beneath the sink, trickles round the garbage pail, peeks coyly up from under the toilet brush in its stand, and meanders down alongside the tub. I’m not even sure I can get into the room without stepping in some. How can one small bladder have produced so much?

“I forgot to push my penis down”. Judging from Lac Urine in my bathroom, he “forgot” for the entire duration of a 90-second pee. Judging from the complete lack of any hint of yellow tinge in the bowl not a drop went down. In fact, I strongly suspect that after the first startled reaction, he simply sat back and enjoyed the glistening arc, nodded in happy pride at his manly production, and hummed along with the musical tinkle of liquid hitting the tiles. “Forgot”, my ar…nevermind.

We were a little delayed getting out this morning, but my bathroom, she now sparkles like the dew.

Nursery Rhyme Wisdom

The boys are hammering away at the tool bench, when George announces,

“You can’t jump over a candle because you might burn your toe.”

Jack be Nimble, be forewarned…