It’s Not All Mary Poppins

Just had to share

My book binging continues, and I’ve happily indulged in several hours of Inappropriate Men. (A book, people, a book.) It’d be firmly in the chick lit category, with a happy ending of a non-traditional variety.

The author, Stacey Ballis, has an breezy, chatty style. It reads quick and easy. She often pops in an italicized sidebar, in which she editorializes a bit about the action that is (or is about to) occur. As in this tidbit, when, after four months of frustration and patience and terrific emails and some passionate necking sessions, she is about to Do the Deed with a long-term crush.


Now, I am a smart girl, and all smart girls know that your first time, sometimes even your first couple times with a new lover, well, things are usually far from perfect. I mean, everyone is different, a new body to get acclimated to, different things which work for one or the other, none of the smart girls that I know expect fireworks first time out of the box…

After all, for a woman of 34, I have had a very respectable (or embarrassing, depending how you look at it) cadre of lovers…And with [one] notable exception…none of the first encounters with any of these lovers was exactly life-altering.

The point…is that a smart girl takes her new lover to the bedroom with romance in her heart, but realism on her mind. We expect to have fun. We expect to see some potential. We do not expect to achieve orgasm, nor do we plan to fake it unless our compatriot is of the single-minded-no-one-sleeps-until-everyone-comes-really-I-can-do-this sort, in which case we play Meg Ryan so that we can get some rest…

Having said that, when a smart girl takes on a new lover, particularly in her thirties, particularly with a man who has had his share of partners himself, we do expect basic competence. We expect him to know where everthing is and have a general idea what to do with it. We do expect that he will be attentive to whatever guidance we offer. We do expect that we will not feel extraneous. We have these expectations. We are sometimes disappointed.

With this as the introduction, there follows the single most hysterical sex-gone-wrong scene I have ever read. Ever. Tears-flowing-down-the-face, stomach-hurting, gasping-for-breath funny. It’s not great literature, it might even be termed fluff, but OH, my lord, this was funny.

And the heroine gets her happy ending, too. Though not with this fellow…

April 9, 2007 Posted by | books, sex | 8 Comments