It’s Not All Mary Poppins

Plan B Comes Through!

You know how I said we had an officiant for the ceremony?

Welllll…. we had one booked a month ago, but I really didn’t much like him. We paid him his deposit, but we kept looking. Stephen discovered that a colleague of his works for a marriage service place, and tried to get hold of her. This proved to be harder than we expected (good reasons for that, as it turned out, but we couldn’t know that at the time). The weeks went by, the day came closer, and we were thinking that we were going to have to go with the dud guy, and I was being sensible about it – I wasn’t looking to make him my best friend; he just had to come and do the job – but it was oppressing me. I wanted someone who’d be into the spirit of the thing. I wanted someone to rejoice with us.

Today – finally! – we meet the woman we’d been trying to meet with for three weeks. (The convoluted explanation of why it took three weeks to connect, and why it was absolutely right that we connected now and not earlier, would fill another post.) Tonight we met.

And she is WONDERFUL.

I am sooooo relieved.

Let us compare the two:

Dud: Gave us 30 minutes
Wonderwoman: Gave us 90

Dud: Did not ask a single question. TOLD us how it would be.
WW: Presented us with an outline, but asked at every point for input.

Dud: Was rude to Stephen; interrupted him constantly. It was clear he was to talk and we were to listen. Though, oddly, he never interrupted me.
WW: Listened with respect to both of us.

Dud: Gave us an outline (carved in stone) — with someone else’s names in it! (Not even blanks. No, Bambi and Rocky throughout.)
WW: Had an outline obviously tailored to us (with OUR names in it) based on the phone conversation she’d had with Stephen.

Dud: Had really, really bad teeth and hair.
WW: Tall, slim, blond, with great teeth. In fact, for those who prefer willowy blonds to curvy brunettes, she has me in the shade.

Dud: No creativity at all. He had his script for the event. End of story.
WW: Thought of ways we might include our children; thought of a neat ritual to put in, when Stephen commented on the complete lack of religion in the ceremony; thought of a great way to work in the two readings we brought to her; compromised with us about other ideas – the whole hour was an exercise in negotiated creativity. It was heaven.

This woman was a cantor in her synagogue for ten years. She has a demanding, intelligent career. She played the flute for some years in the symphony. She sings opera. She volunteers as a singer in old folks homes. And she does marriages. She’s way cool, good-looking, intelligent, vibrant, and fun.

If things don’t work out with Stephen and me, I may just have to marry her.

May 16, 2007 - Posted by | wedding


  1. That’s great Mary! Sure, you would have been just as married if you had the other guy, but this will make your ceremony that much more special. And hooray for finding ways to have the kids participate!

    Comment by BookMama | May 16, 2007 | Reply

  2. Sounds Amazing. I wouldn’t marry her though Stephen is a much better choice.

    Comment by Bill | May 16, 2007 | Reply

  3. Congratulations! I’m so happy for you and so glad you found just the right person for the ceremony.

    Comment by girlprof | May 16, 2007 | Reply

  4. wow, sounds like a real winner! if you marry her, will stephen officiate for you ladies? 😉

    Comment by Lara | May 16, 2007 | Reply

  5. That’s wonderful. I agree with BookMama: having the right person officiate will make the ceremony more meaningful for you. Happy wedding!

    Comment by Alison | May 16, 2007 | Reply

  6. Yay! That’s so great! I must say, the whole officiant thing would have been really weird for me but for the fact that my best friend’s father, whose house I spent a LOT of time in during high school, is a minister. When we met with him, Dennis said it was like meeting my third father. It made it so much more special to have someone who feels like family there, someone who worked with us on the vows, who felt comfortable enough with us and his role to even ad-lib a little. I’m glad for you it sounds like you’ve found someone who will give you the same kind of feeling of being part of things, not just there for the job.

    Comment by kittenpie | May 16, 2007 | Reply

  7. Oh, I’m so glad things have fallen into place!

    Comment by LoryKC | May 16, 2007 | Reply

  8. I’m so glad it worked out for you.

    Comment by ann adams | May 16, 2007 | Reply

  9. Oh, fabulous!

    A close friend of mine performed our ceremony, and I couldn’t have asked for it be to better. She wrote out a proposed ceremony script, got our input, added/took away exactly as we wanted, and helped mediate us two days before the wedding when we were still (still!) finishing writing our vows. Who knew that a couple could fight so much about how to commit to love each other?

    Your WW sounds fantastic, and even though it’ll all be a blur later anyway, it’s worth it. Besides, she’ll look much purtier in the pics after!

    Comment by Allison | May 17, 2007 | Reply

  10. I am laughing– which came first? The email I got that said this verbatim, or this post? LOL

    Comment by Jen | May 17, 2007 | Reply

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