It’s Not All Mary Poppins

I’ve been trained

I pelt down the stairs. (I always do. Because lord only knows what might break out in the 43 seconds it takes to pee.) I’m fast, but I’m quiet, rolling off the front edge of the steps, whipping down the 15 stairs.

My husband looks up at my descent and starts to laugh.

“What? What?”

It’s not just the speed that amuses him. It’s not just that I can come down that fast and also that quietly.

“You always do that.” He chortles. “Zip up on the way down the stairs.”

I glance down at my hands on the button of my fly. He’s right. I do. He chortles some more as he follows me out to the kitchen sink where I wash my hands. “Most people do that while they’re still in the bathroom.”

True enough. However, I have good reason for all this, don’t I? Sensible, wise reasons. Most people do not have four or five toddlers in their home. Most people have toddlers in their home for three years, five years, depending on how many children they have. I’ve had them for close to twenty. I am not most people.

I could say all that. It’s true, after all. I could say all that, but before I open my mouth, reality hits and I start laughing, too. It’s Sunday. There is not one, single, solitary toddler in my home. Nor has there been for 48 hours…

I do “always” do that. Even on Sundays.

June 19, 2008 - Posted by | behavioural stuff, random and odd

6 Comments »

  1. I unzip mine on the way down the hall for the same reasons. Nobody’s ever caught me yet though.

    You know what? I’ve been doing this so many years, I’m barely aware I’m doing it. The stairs end right in the front hallway. One of these days I’m going to be zipping up in full view of a neighbour standing on the porch. I think it’s inevitable.

    Comment by kelli | June 20, 2008 | Reply

  2. Ha! I do that, too (and I unzip as I run up the stairs for maximum efficiency). Those 48 seconds I’m away are dicey, but lately I’ve had a bad feeling that I’m going to fall down the stairs and wind up with 5 kids and a compound fracture. That slows me down a little.

    Five kids, a compound fracture, and, when the paramedics arrive, your jeans tangled around your knees… That’s my nightmare.

    Comment by Clementine | June 20, 2008 | Reply

  3. I was zipping up today as I went out of the front door. My husband was just coming in. He looked amused. I had washed in the cloakroom for once though – if I’m heading for the kitchen next, that’s where it’s done. My youngest is nearly 24, will I ever lose the habit?

    Comment by Z | June 20, 2008 | Reply

  4. Habits and all that…yup can make for interesting events. It took me several weeks to stop clutching once I bought an automatic.

    Comment by mamacita tina | June 21, 2008 | Reply

  5. habits die hard, no?
    People ask me for information even when I’m not at work, and I am compelled to answer. In bookstores, I give book recommendations. it’s just what I do.

    Comment by kittenpie | June 21, 2008 | Reply

  6. hilarious! i do this all the time! it’s always a mad rush … if i take too long, i end up with 4 other babies in the bathroom with me. lol!

    Comment by laura | June 25, 2008 | Reply


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