It’s Not All Mary Poppins

Don’t argue with his reality

Ray the Contractor heads up the stairs with a largish piece of wood. Ray and his team rescued us last summer. This summer Ray’s back on this own to do a small bit of custom carpentry for us.

“Why does he have that wood?”
I explain.
Ray heads down and out the door.
“Why did he leave?”
“Perhaps he needs something else from his truck.”
Ray returns with a drill in each hand.
“Why does he got those drills?”
I hazard a guess that he might be doing some drilling.
“Why does he got a measurer?”
“You always need to measure when you’re building things.” Even hammer-impaired me knows the “measure twice, cut once” truism. Besides, it doesn’t end with carpentry. I may not often have used it on wood, but I’ve certainly used it on fabric.

Nigel’s face registers his doubt. “Wally and Fred don’t have a measurer.”

Wally and Fred have been a repeating theme in Nigel’s conversations for months now, ever since he and his family moved into a rented house (“our fresh house”) so that Wally and Fred could build an addition onto his old house.

Wally and Fred are the Gold Standard of contractors. All things construction are measured against the virtuosity of Wally and Fred. Ray, it is clear, falls far short of the mark.

“I’m sure Wally and Fred have tape measures, love. You can’t be a builder without one.” It’s a requirement. That fellow claiming he can give you a new bathroom for $2,000? Check for the tape measure on his belt. You don’t see one, he’s a fraud.

“No, they don’t. Wally and Fred don’t have any measurers.”

“You sure about that?”

“Uh-huh!”

Gee. Think I can manoeuvre an invitation to the Grand Unveiling? It should be a sight to see…

July 24, 2008 - Posted by | Uncategorized

2 Comments »

  1. If you go to the unveiling, you may want to bring Mike Holmes. 🙂

    Comment by Sharkey | July 25, 2008 | Reply

  2. Oh, they’ll just eyeball it… Yikes.

    Comment by kittenpie | July 26, 2008 | Reply


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