It’s Not All Mary Poppins

Never in my wildest dreams…

– When the happy couple looked at the ultrasound pictures, it was very clear: they had a garden gnome in there.

– After a long and arduous labour, the woman who thought she had one baby in there gave birth to … triplets.

– Walking through Wal-Mart, the happy couple heard an odd sound behind them, and when they turned around, they realized the baby had fallen out of the mother’s body, and was lying in the aisle in the Automotive Department.

– Watching the unusual mobility of her newborn infant, the mother realized that she had given birth to a very cute and appealing … rabbit.

– Six months into the pregnancy, the mother discovered she wasn’t pregnant after all. It was just a case of really, really, really bad gas.

????

If you’ve been (or are) pregnant, you probably have an inkling of what’s going on. It’s not the paint fumes getting to Mary’s head. Those are pregnancy dreams. The dreams that happen when the hormones and the anxiety get to your head, and come out when your defenses are down and your subconscious strong. They are uniformly weird, and often very funny, and I think the world needs to hear more about them!

Here’s one of mine:

I was pregnant with my first. (Being the sort to eschew ultrasounds, I did not know her sex at that time, but we’ll call her “her” for convenience — and because that’s what she turned out to be!)

I was in the hospital. I had just pushed the baby out. Filled with joy and expectation, I looked down at my newborn baby, and there was her little self. My baby. My beautiful baby, but … Her head was a normal baby head, perfect in every way, fat cheeks, nubbin nose, long lashes framing big dark eyes … but her body! What was WRONG with her BODY?

It was purple and limp and flat! It had no substance! Hanging from her normal baby head was the shape of a baby, a sort of baby template, but it was as thick as a piece of paper, as formless as a baby-shaped blanket!

I expressed my alarm to the nurse. She simply smiled in that knowing way maternity nurses have, and patted the nervous young mother on the head.

“It’s all right, dear.” she soothed. “You just have to blow her up.”

And with that she leaned over the flaccid form of my infant, took the stub of the umbilical cord between finger and thumb, applied her lips to it, and proceeded to inflate the baby. It took only a few breaths, then she tied a knot in the cord, and handed my now perfectly pink, perfectly normal baby to me.

“See? Good as new!”

And it was all better. We young mothers, we worry about the silliest things!

Okay, your turn. I’d love to hear YOUR pregnancy dreams! Tell me in the comments, or write a post on your own blog. (If you’d link back to this post, that would be marvy; I’ll link to yours, too, of course!)

Let the weirdness begin!

UPDATED TO ADD: Alexandra posted her my-baby-is-an-alien dream on her blog, Galexy Girl’s World.

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August 21, 2008 - Posted by | pregnancy and delivery, random and odd | , , ,

17 Comments »

  1. I think your dream was fantastic, great imagination, I find dropping baby bunnies in the isles of Walmart is also hillarious!!! I posted my dream just now, although I don’t think it is as good as yours, how is the rest of your holiday going?

    Thanks! I don’t feel I can take credit for my dream-imagination, but I’ve always rather liked that dream. Probably why it’s stuck in my memory for over 22 years! My holiday has been great: just the right combination of work, slacking off, hanging out with friends, and reading!

    Comment by Alexandra | August 21, 2008 | Reply

  2. My pregnancy dreams always consist of babies turning into kittens or puppies or kittens and puppies turning into babies. The craziest thing is that this doesn’t bother my “dream self”, I just keep taking care of my babies, whether they’re in human or animal form!

    Your dream self isn’t so stupid: Kittens and puppies are far less demanding overall than human babies. I’m sure we’d all trade off once in a while, so long as we knew we could get our human babies back once we’d had a few hours’ sleep!

    Comment by June | August 21, 2008 | Reply

  3. I can’t think think of any specifics right now about my pregnancy dreams. What I do remember is that I often woke up from them and said “Now there is a movie that I would go and see.” My dreams were blockbuster movies, complete with originality, character development, subplots, etc. If only I could remember a single one of them, I would be an award winning screenwriter!

    Don’t you sometimes just wish you kept a dream journal? I know some people who do, or at least have done, and it’s always struck me as an interesting idea.

    Comment by karyn | August 21, 2008 | Reply

  4. Being one who doesn’t remember dreams generally anyhow, I dont’ think I’ve ever had a weird preggy dream… Even right now, 8 months in and stressed to the gills.

    Given your “stressed to the gills” state, it’s probably a good thing that you’re not being woken enough by them to remember them. I hope your dreamlessness means you’re sleeping, anyway, though at 8+ months, I know that’s nothing like a sure thing. I hope the stress eases off shortly.

    Comment by kittenpie | August 21, 2008 | Reply

  5. I had two recurring dreams throughout my first pregnancy. In the first, my beautiful, healthy baby was the size of a matchstick. I was carrying this matchstick baby in the palm of my hand when my husband bumped me, and I dropped it. Because the baby was so small, I couldn’t find it on the kitchen floor. So, I had the bright idea to get the broom and sweep up the floor. Then I searched with my hands through the dust. I woke up twisting my pillow in my hands. I had never found the matchstick baby.

    The other was very short. My husband comes home from work and goes into the baby’s room to see her/him, and brings the baby out to the kitchen, where I’m sitting calmly at the table reading the paper. He holds up this skeleton to me and says, Amanda: you must remember to feed the baby!

    I also had one dream that came to me only once: I deliver a kitten and everyone is so excited, and I want to be, but I can’t hide my disappointment. My husband asks me what’s wrong, and I say “I really wanted a baby.” In the dream, it was as if a kitten was one of the options: boy, girl, or kitten.

    You describe them so well! The first dream had me wringing my hands as you wrung your pillow, and the second had me laughing out loud. It was macabre, but the dream-surreality that allows both you and your husband to be so calm, him scolding you as if a reducing the baby to a skeleton was the same degree of domestic misdemeanor as leaving the milk out on the counter overnight. And the last sentence of the third vignette, you capture the dream-reality so well.

    Comment by Amanda | August 21, 2008 | Reply

  6. Let’s see…I’ve given birth to my pastor, but infant-sized (Jung would probably LOVE that one)…once I “forgot” to go give birth because I wanted to go to coffee instead. The one that affected me the most was giving birth and then being told I’d had my sister’s baby, not mine, and I needed to try again. I was so upset because I liked the baby I’d just had and wanted to keep it (boy? girl? don’t know). But then Bevin (sister) came in and yelled at me for having her baby when she wasn’t ready to be a mother yet.

    I’ll bet that last dream never got to the point where you said to Bevin, “Great! Because I want it!”, did it? Sometimes you wake, just wishing you’d had another three minutes to write/experience the better ending! And the infant-sized pastor? I have no idea what to say about that. I’ll leave it to Jung…

    Comment by Bridgett | August 21, 2008 | Reply

  7. With my first pregnancy some 24 years ago, I dreamt my baby was a tube of Oscar Mayer Braunschweiger. He was all wrapped up in a receiving blanket and when I opened it to peek there he was, red and yellow label and all.

    Mmm, braunschweiger. Love the stuff. Not enough to give birth to it, mind you, but yummm.

    Comment by Rita | August 21, 2008 | Reply

  8. I always knew I was abnormal. Absolutely no weird dreams in any of the pregnancies. Or food fads. I feel quite hard done by:)

    Oh, you missed your opportunity! You should have generated some food fads, preferably for those treats that you don’t allow yourself in normal life — not junk foods, mind you, but something expensive or otherwise decadent.

    Comment by juggling mother | August 21, 2008 | Reply

  9. What? You’re all weird. Weird, I tell you. I only dreamt of the day when it was over and i’d not have backache any more.

    Eight dreamers and three non. Who’s weird, then? (Two of the non-dreamers are Brits, too. Hmmm… )

    Comment by Z | August 21, 2008 | Reply

  10. The only dreams I remember having during pregnancy were with my son. I don’t remember any specific weirdness, but I do remember he ALWAYS had red hair in my dreams. Even when he was a she…the baby was always a very vibrant redhead.

    I must have had quite a few of them because I remember being quite surprised when he was born with black hair.

    Does that count? 🙂

    Sure, it does! It would have been better if he’d had red hair, of course… Does his temperament fit the red hair?

    Comment by Zayna | August 21, 2008 | Reply

  11. My weirdest pregnancy dream ever was also the most violent.
    I was walking my pregnant self somewhere and found my self being cornered slowly by three men with a wall behind me. IN my dream I waited until the ring leader got close enough and then I somehow got my fist around his scrotum and started digging in with my nails. I remember telling him fiercely through clenched teeth to leave me alone or I would tear off his balls.

    And the I woke up shot full of adrenaline and almost clobbered my poor husband sleeping next to me it was so vivid.

    That dream still freaks me out.

    Comment by carrien (she laughs at the days) | August 24, 2008 | Reply

  12. I forgot to add that the weirdest part was how violent, I, who would never have considered myself a violent person, became in it.

    Comment by carrien (she laughs at the days) | August 24, 2008 | Reply

  13. In my dreams I was always doing things I shouldn’t be doing while pregnant. The best has to be horseback riding, smoking a cigarette and thinking, “hope my baby likes horses.” Note: I neither smoke or ride-horses. Too weird.

    Comment by Rachel | August 24, 2008 | Reply

  14. Here’s my dilemma-I’m pregnant (I’ve had several miscarriages before) and I had a dream that a woman was telling me I had to name my baby “Flick” or she’d take him away from me. I was yelling, no, I don’t want to name him that! And she said again, then I’m going to take him away and you can’t have him. So……..do I really have to name my baby “Flick”? It was a such a real dream and I begged her and succumbed and said ok ok I’ll name him Flick……

    Comment by Alicia | August 25, 2008 | Reply

  15. I was living in a house made of peat with people I didn’t recignize. The next thing I knew I had given birth to a plate of clams. When I complained I was told”Some people get babies, some get clams” That’s when I woke up. That kid is 38 now and I still don’t know what it all meant.

    Comment by jwg | August 26, 2008 | Reply

  16. Some get clams? Ok, tears streaming down the face with laughter.

    Comment by Bridgett | August 28, 2008 | Reply

  17. I’ve never been pregnant, but i had a few months where i had the weirdest baby dreams. once, i was running to the hospital to have my baby and once i get there, i promptly get handed my baby and turned out of the maternity ward. I’m walking down the street, trailed by a crowd of paparazzi and suddenly my baby starts to shrink till im holding him on three fingers.then he just blows away into the grass.i search for him intently and dodge photographers until finally after this weird maze building school thing i find him, big again, playing with my friends and their babies.we all sit down and boom! toddlers.beautiful toddlers.(sniff) and we were jus sitting there, watching them,and suddenly my brain says *wait you dont even have a mate*i reply*quiet im enjoying this* best happy ending ever.

    Comment by max | October 24, 2009 | Reply


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