It’s Not All Mary Poppins

Re-naming baby

CAPTAIN CAVEMANYou know how you all helped me name the two new boys? How we picked “William” for the older, and his cheerful, stolid younger brother was declared to be “Tank”? And I said Tank was the perfect name?

It was! Well, I thought it was.

It’s a very good name. I really, really appreciate the time you took to come up with that very good name. And I hope you all won’t be upset, disappointed, or offended when I say that now I know the little guy a bit better, now that I’ve spent more time in his company, I have discovered that “Tank” — very good though it is!!! — misses part of his character…the more basic part. The really basic part. Primitive. Primeval, even.

Tank goes through his days with a bellow and a shriek. His only word is “MUA!!!”, which, when bellowed from the highchair (and it is always bellowed) means, “MORE!!!”

Of course.

He is amiable enough to the others. He watches what they play, making enthusiastic shrieks at frequent intervals. Very frequent intervals. Very, very frequent intervals. Because he has no words, you see. If what they’re doing is interesting enough, he steals the toy. (Cheerfully, with no concept of offense. That’s just what 12-month-olds do, the little sociopaths.) He trundles around the house, bouncing off walls and over the other children.

He is happy, he is hearty. He is a Very Basic Dude. His motivation? Food. His speech? Essentially nil. His interests? Bright colours, loud noises, and the crud he finds in his nose. And scratching. He’s a fan of scratching. (Himself, not the other children.)

The boy is a Cave Man. Which is why, and I apologize to all of you who came up with “Tank”, I’ve had to rename him.

From here on, our healthy, hearty, happy little cave man is…

Gronk.

I think it fits.

October 1, 2009 Posted by | individuality, manners, Mischief | , , , , | 8 Comments