It’s Not All Mary Poppins

Re-naming baby

CAPTAIN CAVEMANYou know how you all helped me name the two new boys? How we picked “William” for the older, and his cheerful, stolid younger brother was declared to be “Tank”? And I said Tank was the perfect name?

It was! Well, I thought it was.

It’s a very good name. I really, really appreciate the time you took to come up with that very good name. And I hope you all won’t be upset, disappointed, or offended when I say that now I know the little guy a bit better, now that I’ve spent more time in his company, I have discovered that “Tank” — very good though it is!!! — misses part of his character…the more basic part. The really basic part. Primitive. Primeval, even.

Tank goes through his days with a bellow and a shriek. His only word is “MUA!!!”, which, when bellowed from the highchair (and it is always bellowed) means, “MORE!!!”

Of course.

He is amiable enough to the others. He watches what they play, making enthusiastic shrieks at frequent intervals. Very frequent intervals. Very, very frequent intervals. Because he has no words, you see. If what they’re doing is interesting enough, he steals the toy. (Cheerfully, with no concept of offense. That’s just what 12-month-olds do, the little sociopaths.) He trundles around the house, bouncing off walls and over the other children.

He is happy, he is hearty. He is a Very Basic Dude. His motivation? Food. His speech? Essentially nil. His interests? Bright colours, loud noises, and the crud he finds in his nose. And scratching. He’s a fan of scratching. (Himself, not the other children.)

The boy is a Cave Man. Which is why, and I apologize to all of you who came up with “Tank”, I’ve had to rename him.

From here on, our healthy, hearty, happy little cave man is…


I think it fits.

October 1, 2009 - Posted by | individuality, manners, Mischief | , , , ,


  1. Ah – you have such a way with words.

    Thanks again for another morning belly laugh!

    Thank you. Have a great day!

    Comment by Darcy's Mum | October 1, 2009 | Reply

  2. Based on your description it definitely seems to suit him better.

    I think so. 🙂

    Comment by Zayna | October 1, 2009 | Reply

  3. I like it!

    Me, too.

    Comment by Bethany | October 1, 2009 | Reply

  4. Poor, poor child. I hope he grows out of it and needs to be renamed when he becomes and intelligently fluent speaker!

    Are you mildly horrified? I hope you understand the name is given with much affection! And yes, I fully expect he will outgrow his caveman phase in a few more months.

    Comment by Jill in Atlanta | October 1, 2009 | Reply

  5. What I love about your descriptions of the children is that it makes it clear that each child is him/herself, with their own unique personality, strengths and weaknesses. You seem to recognize and value them as individuals, and it’s easy to see that it takes all types to make a world.

    The older I get, the more I believe it really does take all types, and that even the types I might not choose to befriend, even types I don’t much like… they pretty much all have a place in this world. (For some of them, I’d prefer that place to be far from me… but still! A place!)

    As for the tots? It’s impossible, when you interact with them as I do, NOT to see them as individuals. Sure, two-year-old tend to do thus and so, but they’re all individuals, nonetheless. Perhaps even more so than adults, because they lay it all out there! No masks with toddlers — for good or ill!

    Comment by Jaimie | October 1, 2009 | Reply

  6. I love it! I had a “Gronk” of my own and wish I would have thought of it then.

    Comment by Angie | October 2, 2009 | Reply

  7. Too funny- Gronk is a cool name!

    Comment by Bethany | October 4, 2009 | Reply

  8. […] of the hale and hearty, happy and healthy primordial good cheer? The friendly cave man? I forgot to tell you a story about Gronk, and I’m really not sure how I could have let this […]

    Pingback by Battery boy « It’s Not All Mary Poppins | April 19, 2010 | Reply

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