You might be a daycare provider if…

It’s been over ten years since you’ve peed with the bathroom door entirely shut during working hours.

You habitually come out of the bathroom still zipping up, so as not to waste a single extra second in there.

You wash your hands in the kitchen sink instead of the bathroom, so as not to waste a single extra second in there.

You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.

Your idea of a good time is doing a potty dance because of a steaming pot of poo. In your living room.

Discussing the bowel movements (neither your own nor your children’s) over dinner seems perfectly normal to you.

You find humour in snot, boogers, vomit and poop.

Every time you go out, every time, someone will ask you, “Are they all yours???”

Your alarm bells start ringing when you suddenly realize, “Gosh, they’re quiet,” and you know they’re awake.

Whenever you phone someone, it immediately either gets very quiet (cf “alarm bells”, above), or VERY VERY LOUD.

You never, ever have a drink (alcoholic) during your work day… but you probably need one more than any other profession.

You sniff butts at work. Every day.

You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled, “Saying No is Easy. Just do it, dammit!”

Your favourite hallucinogen is exhaustion.

You find yourself writing the word “gots” and wondering why spellcheck won’t accept it.

When a parent calls to tell a child is sick, you commiserate verbally while doing a fist-pump in the air.

Okay. I know there are other care-givers out there reading this. Anything to add, ladies?