It’s Not All Mary Poppins

A professional question

Any career nannies reading this? Not temporary or part-time nannies, not nannies who are doing this until they graduate, or until they buy their first house or whatever, but people who have been a nanny for at least five years, and — this is the important part — intend to be at it another 15 or 20 years from now.

I know a few nannies. Being professional childcare providers, we tend to meet up routinely, in the park, at playgroups, in community centres. When we meet, we talk, and, as with any group who share a profession, we often end up talking shop.

And when we do, I am always left wondering: Why would anyone choose to be a career nanny?

Oh, wait. That sounds horribly judgmental. It’s not meant that way at all. This is an utterly sincere question. I am not being sarcastic, I am not belittling the profession. I know that there are women who do choose career nannying, and I am honestly, genuinely curious.

I can certainly see doing it while you’re a student, making your way through university or college. I can see doing it when you’re living in an apartment. I can see doing it for a specific season of your life. None of the women I know want to be career nannies. They are all in transition from one thing to another, and nannying fits the employment bill — for now.

Which makes sense to me. Because I always wonder… when you have a home of your own, when you have an established life of your own — as opposed to the transitory nature of life as a student, betwixt your education and your future — why would you be a nanny?

And again, I know, if you are a career nanny, that question is going to sound so awful. It’s just that when I talk to nannies, you see, the downsides seem to overwhelm the upsides to such an overwhelming degree, I wonder why you’d do it once you had options. Even if, like me, you want to make childcare your life’s work: why as a nanny?

When I talk to nannies, I hear about:
– parents who hover in the background, over-riding your decisions
– parent who come home from work, and ask you to stick around so they can… what? … putz around doing not much of anything, to hear the nannies talk
– parental micro-managing
– having to do housekeeping as well a childcare (beyond cleaning up after the children)
– not getting sick pay
– not getting paid if they cancel on you
– parents who come home later than agreed (and don’t pay overtime)

The list goes on. Though I would never ask directly about finances (to me, that’s bad manners), I do wonder about pay. It stands to reason I can make significantly more caring for five children than a nanny can caring for one or two.

Autonomy. I have lots. Ditto privacy.

The downsides of my kind of childcare? It’s in my home, so the mess is in my home. But then again, it’s in my home. I have no commute — and on a bleak and frigid February morning, that counts for a lot. Isolation — but nannies suffer that to the same degree. In fact, I can’t think of any other disadvantages of my profession that aren’t shared by nannies… but nannies seem to suffer quite a few negatives that I don’t share, or suffer to a much lesser degree.

I have four or five families, so if I lose one family, it’s not the end of the world. It’s significant, of course, but it’s not my entire income stream.

I think the biggest benefit, to me, is psychological. When I care for a child in my home, I am my own boss, and (most of the time!) all parties understand this. Parents, it seems to me, are much more likely to view their nanny as their employee, and, because they know they are the nanny’s sole source of income, there is a tendency to abuse their role. (My apologies to all the marvellous, considerate, nanny-employing parents out there. I know there are lots of you, and this post is NOT directed at you. I don’t want this aspect to be the focus of the post. I am only reporting what I hear — and I recognize it’s from only one half of the equation.)

I’m curious. Any career nannies reading this? Have I got it entirely wrong? Is there a big piece of the puzzle I’m missing?

What are the advantages to being a career nanny? Why did you choose it? Why are you happy to continue in the profession?

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May 4, 2010 - Posted by | controversy | , ,

17 Comments »

  1. We are unigue in that the vast majority of our candidates have Ba’s & MA’s, typically in Early Childhood Ed, Elementary Ed., Child Development, Special Ed. etc.

    They are drawn to this work as a Governess because they are frustrated with the politics, bureaucracies and budgetary contraints of school systems. They love the “One-on-One” aspect of in home care. Nanny/Governesses truly get to see the fruits of their labor far more readily than they could in a classroom setting. ~To see that light turn on in a child’s mind through your efforts is a euphoric feeling, and it happens all the time in this position.

    Many individuals do this for 2-4 years to pay off student loans and save for grad school, while keeping their feet in the field of child development. Others make this their career, even after marriage and having their own children.

    I believe it is the “One-on-One” aspect that is so unigue to this field that draws so many outstanding candidates into this field as a Governess.

    I’m understanding that when you say “we”, you’re not referring to nannies/governesses in general, but those of your agency. Or is it your experience that most nannies are that well educated?

    I can see where the one-on-one would be attractive… but doesn’t it also limit your income? It is this limitation that causes me to wonder about those who do it for longer than just to get them through grad school: Is the appeal of one-on-one enough to compensate for the reduced income? Certainly the income of a nanny can’t compete with the income range available to people with grad. school degrees. If you are going to be a career nanny, does this mean that you need either to find live-in positions, or to have a spouse/partner who has a larger income?

    Comment by Katherine Leary Robinson | May 4, 2010 | Reply

  2. I have been a Nanny for 4 years, since completing my associates degree in Early Childhood Education. And I absolutely LOVE my career. In fact, I’m working on getting my medical transcriptionist certificate just so that I can KEEP being a Nanny. Because, you’re right- even the best of us certainly don’t make as much money as we’d like.

    I have a fantastic relationship with the parents. Father is a plastic surgeon and Mother is an ER nurse. I have a signed contract. I work four days a week, 10 hours a day starting at 7am. I do get paid overtime. I get paid 50% my hourly rate when they cancel. I don’t have sick days in my contract, but it’s never been an issue. And, I get a summertime bonus and a Christmas bonus out of the goodness of their heart.

    I have full control over our daily activities. If we’re doing something we haven’t done before, or going somewhere we haven’t been, I submit a brief description of the 5 W’s to the parents and they’ve never said “No.”

    My eldest is a 4 year old girl who attends Pre K three mornings a week, and her brother is just over a year old. So, during morning nap (if I don’t have any prep to do for our next activity or meal) I don’t mind doing a bit of house cleaning- such as laundry- though it is not part of my job discription.

    I prepare and serve all three meals with snack times in between, though usually Mom is home for dinner time and I am heading out the door. There are occasionally special nighttime arrangments made and I will run the bed time routine, though it’s not often. And, I have also vacationed with the family twice in order to provide care to the eldest girl while Mom and Dad spent some time alone.

    For me, becoming a Nanny was the way to go. I’m married, but we don’t have children of our own and don’t much care to have any. Though, at 25, I do still have time to change my mind if I want to. Just don’t see that happening. And, I don’t particularly enjoy having children in MY home…because it is my sanctuary and I wouldn’t want to have to always be worried about making sure my grown-up house was baby proof.

    That last point resonates with me. I do sometimes rue the fact that my home, which has only one 16-year-old in residence (her two older siblings live on their own), STILL has baby toys, high chairs, and playpens scattered throughout! For me, the trade-off of baby-clutter vs pay still lands me on the home daycare side of the equation, but I can see that it would not be so for everyone!

    Comment by Phat Nanny | May 4, 2010 | Reply

  3. I am a career nanny of 25 years. Seventeen of those years have been with the same family.
    I was a child care center director and chose to go through a nanny training program. I love children and I am an advocate of women being able to choose if they want to work or stay home.
    Some women are just not good at staying home and some can do both and do it well. Some women choose to have a career to set an example for their children that they CAN be anything they want to be.

    You don’t have to work in this profession very long to realize that in order to be successful and happy you have to work with a family that shares your childcare philosophy, agrees with you on discipline and how you are able to work as a parenting team in raising their children.
    You must have mutual respect and great communication. Having a successful employer/nanny relationship is much like having a successful marriage. You respect each other, you work together as a team, you communicate, your compromise and you pick your battles.
    When all of those components work together it is a beautiful thing for the parents and the children.
    I consider myself so fortunate to be a part of helping raise these amazing children. I started caring for them when they were born and I was single. Now I am married and they are almost teenagers and I work part time but never in the last 25 years have I ever regretted my choice to be a careernanny.

    As I read your comment, I wonder if the nannies I know have the problems they cite because they haven’t taken pains to find the family that meets all the criteria you list. Since, in their minds it’s “just for now”, so it doesn’t really matter if they could stay there forever. And so they stay there… and complain.

    I wonder, if they knew they’d be doing this for another twenty years, if they’d settle as they have. (And, I confess, I’ve often thought that if it’s all that bad, perhaps what’s required is to stop complaining and find a new family.)

    What you describe is lovely, in fact, many would call it an ideal situation, and I’m sure it didn’t ‘just happen’. After the basic fit of childcare philosophy, I’m sure there were lots of compromises and conversations along the way. If you find your work environment that satisfying, who wouldn’t want the job? Thank you for sharing!

    Comment by Glenda Propst | May 4, 2010 | Reply

  4. Just wanted to say thanks for sharing. I wonder the same question. I have nannied for three families. And had a very awful experience with my last family and am possibly starting with a new family at the end of the summer and it scares me to dive into it again. You invest so much of your self into the care of the child to possibly have nothing in the end.

    Were your first two families equally bad? I suspect not, or it’s unlikely you’d have done it a third time! I’m betting you found Glenda’s comment encouraging. My input: make sure you have a good contract, behave like a professional, and don’t accept being treated as anything but a professional. You are not a ‘babysitter’ — that’s the nice teenager down the street. Have you taken any courses on being a nanny? Perhaps that would give you ideas and encouragement.

    Comment by Jenn | May 4, 2010 | Reply

  5. I echo the above reasons for being a career nanny and just want to add that I love, love, love being able to give the little ones the best start possible in life. When my own children were little, I had a home day care for a couple of years. I didn’t have the time to give my charges the one-on-one time I do as a nanny.
    A good work agreement is essential, a good nanny/family fit is essential, and a love for the career is essential! True, I made more with a day care; but the rewards (other than monetary) are greater as a nanny!

    Comment by Terri | May 4, 2010 | Reply

  6. I am a professional nanny and have been one for eight yeas. I love being a nanny. The family I am with now respects me and treats me great. I get two weeks paid off and sick days. If the parents get home elary or do not need me for any reason I still get paid. I also get a raise every year a bonus and a birthday gift from the kids. I do the kids landury and cleen up after the childern. I alos like going some were for work.

    Comment by Sarah | May 4, 2010 | Reply

  7. I agree that it is crucial to have a good work agreement. I can’t think of a more important career than helping to raise a caring, compassionate, well rounded happy child. My first family was wonderful and we all learned together but we were all willing to work at the relationship. The reason I left was because their children were in school full time and at that point in my life I could not afford to work part time.
    Sometimes the family and the nanny are just not the right match but it is really important to ask all the right questions and especially the hard questions at the interview and never start a job without a signed work agreement. On the blog I do with 2 other professional nannies we try to address issues that are unique to the nanny profession.

    Comment by Glenda Propst | May 5, 2010 | Reply

  8. This is just from the perspective of someone who employed a shared nanny for a while and so I know a bit about what nannies in our area have as an arrangement.

    Our nanny had two families, one kid from each, but worked in the one home – this meant that if one family was moving on, they would have great impetus to help find another family to share with, and they did that work, not the nanny, when they found us. That gave her lots more stability.

    She had a contract, and it was renewed each year with a negociated raise. Her take-home was about $2500-2700 each month, and we paid all health and taxes and CPP and EI and such above her wages straight to the government, so she not only had no deductions, but also had very little paperwork to handle.

    That contract also covered rates for extra time, one week off at Christmas, and two weeks off in the summer for holidays.

    During the time we were with her, she bought a house as a single mother.

    She had her daily routines and nanny friends who all got their kids together, and so on. All the parents involved were out all day, but she had a cell phone and our trust to be giving them social interaction, exercise, meals, and whatever else she felt they needed. There was really very little interference with us all out of her hair!

    Her daughters joined her and the kids after school and helped her out, so she didn’t have to find care for them, and she sent them to school in the same neighbourhood so she could easily pick them up.

    She has been working in the same neighbourhood for about 15 years now, so she has a network, favourite places, and a great grapevine for potential other jobs, as well as friends among the parents and nannies who also hang out in the parks.

    I know there are downsides, and you list many, but I would say that if you work in a really nanny-heavy area where there are some standard things like contracts and prices in place, some of those downsides are made way better, and you have a little more control over some of them.

    Comment by kittenpie | May 5, 2010 | Reply

    • Kittenpie, you sound like one of those ideal employers! And I’m sure your children were the ones who got the most benefit from it!

      Comment by Terri | May 5, 2010 | Reply

      • Oh, that was not to tout myself as an ideal employer! That is pretty standard in our neighbourhood, where nannies compare notes and negociate with employers accordingly. My point is that in a case like our area, the climate makes for a way better deal for nannies, which may make them want to stick with it for longer.

        Comment by kittenpie | May 5, 2010

  9. i have been a nanny for 5 years. and probably will for at least 5 years more. i have taught in daycare for many years before that, had a couple in my home before, and also held an office management position for 3 years. recently i met a new prospective family for babysitting. for sitting side work, i charge a slightly lower nanny fee, but still more than the average teen. the mom was surprised and mentioned later in the interview that they have usually had teen sitters that grew up and went off to school, because of course, you cant make a career out of this! i was slightly miffed but mostly amused as i thought, well…some of us do.

    i love being a nanny. one of the unique things i get to do is connect to not just the kids, but a family. i feel that i am a resource to my clients. i also tend to do some household management and personal assistant tasks as well, as im sure many of us do. i think i bring much more than child care to the table. currently i nanny for triplet boys i have been with since they were 2 weeks old. i think i have been able to be a support system full of experience and knowledge for mom, as well as caring for the little angels. i have also been in situations where i was able to restore some peace and routine to otherwise chaotic households. i find it very rewarding. and of course, connecting and teaching young children is wonderful.

    I am also a resource to my clients, though I work from my home rather than theirs. However, I can see that as a nanny you have the opportunity to be much more intimately involved in their lives than I would. Whether you see that as a perk or a burden probably depends on your outlook and personality.

    the money is probably not as much as i’d like to have, considering my ideal preference would be to not work and spend my time writing and going to school, and concentrating on my volunteer projects. but as a single mom of a teenager with an incomplete degree, i am able to pay all of our bills and take care of us. i also do some side work nights and weekends when i can to supplement my income, and not being married makes this not a big deal. maybe that would be different if i had a husband who didnt want me spending weekends away from home taking beach and zoo trips and mini vacations without him! but i dont overdo it so i enjoy it. i usually bring my daughter and one or two of her friends, and we all have a blast and i get lots of help.

    i am actually in transition now, as the triplets prepare to move out of state, and i prepare and look for a new position. some have asked me will i consider an office job. i say NO WAY. I love my work,and besides,after having done both, i would much rather have 2 yr olds that act like 2 yr olds, rather than an office full of adults that often do!

    Ha! Ain’t THAT the truth!

    Good luck as you search for a new position. I’m sure the triplets’ parents will give you a superbe reference. Heck, just the fact that you worked with real, live triplets will probably impress the socks off prospective clients!

    Comment by christine | May 5, 2010 | Reply

  10. I am not a nanny, and I really don’t think it would ever be the right job for me, (I have trouble standing my ground, and I think that is important for nannies) but I do work in a daycare and I love what Christine just said. “I would much rather have 2 year olds that act like 2 year olds, rather than an offie full of adults that often do.” That pretty much sums up how I feel about my job, plus the real 2 year olds enjoy singing silly songs, having plastic food picnics and using glitter and most adults don’t.

    Nannies need to stand their ground, but I think anyone who works with toddlers does! It probably helps that you have other staff around when you feel yourself waffling, though. 🙂

    Comment by Cassie | May 5, 2010 | Reply

  11. I’m not a nanny and we don’t hire a nanny either – we send our children to a wonderful daycare center. However, I have two close friends who have nannies and I want to second what Christine said about the nannies restoring order to chaotic households. Both of these families have three children and all of the parents work full time, with some required international travel. Each family also has a child with a moderately serious medical condition. These families need some child care at unusual times and they also benefit enormously from having a nanny who will do some housework in addition to child care. My one friend actually coached my other friend about how to become a nanny employer and both families provide benefits, a good salary, paid holidays, the irregular hours are scheduled in advance, etc. These women are also way too busy to micro-manage what the nanny is doing and in any case, they understand that the nannies are professionals so they don’t need help. Admittedly, I’m observing from afar, but to me, the job of nanny seems somewhat different from child care provider. These nannies do not appear to regard the “extra” (non child care) stuff as extra – it was negotiated from the beginning and I think is largely clear. I don’t know the salaries of anyone involved, but it appears that these nannies do as well as the teachers at our children’s daycare, for example.

    Mary, this was a completely fascinating discussion. Thanks for asking such a good question!

    I am increasingly affirmed in my suspicion that the nannies I know just don’t behave professionally with the parents, and so don’t get treated as professionals. Perhaps that is blaming the victim, but I know that I’ve come to be treated better and better as the years go by — because I have more and more confidence, and just speak up, politely, professionally, with an eye to solving the problem, and expect the parents to do the same. Nannies are in a tougher position for these kinds of conversations, given that the family is likely their sole source of income. Still, confidence and professionalism from the get-go probably head off a lot of the problems I hear about.

    I am also learning that nannies and childcare providers have overlapping but not identical job descriptions. I’m also understanding that the parts that don’t overlap also don’t appeal to me: obviously, I’m in the right profession! I’m perfectly aware that a nanny might look at my job and feel just the same way — and that’s just fine. There’s room for all of us, and that way, the parents get to choose from a broader range of options for their family.

    (And, shhhh, but I earn much more than I could in a daycare centre. Not as much as I’d be making if I’d stayed in teaching — see? I do understand working for less if it’s something you love! — but a whole lot more than an ECE worker.)

    Comment by Sarah | May 5, 2010 | Reply

  12. I am most definatly a career nanny beginning 5 days out of high school in 1990 at age 17. I didn’t intend for it to happen but it did. Like the blog states I was doing it until I got my Bachelors degree which I did in 1994. I studied to be a teacher but realized I like working with small groups of kids not 18 or more at a time. Life happens though and you need a steady paycheck so you keep doing what you know…for me that was being a nanny.

    When I was in my teens and twenty’s I used to be insecure in how people thought of the nanny profession. How many times was I asked when I was going to get a “real job” and how many different excuses did I give to explain that someday I would. But you know what? I’ve had other jobs in tandem with being a nanny… 3 seasons as secretary at a tax office and as a prep cook at my family’s restaraunt. I found I was best a being a nanny so I continued along that course.

    I’ve been through exactly the same thing, with people (even family) expressing concern that I’m wasting my education and intelligence. I’ve felt self-conscious about what I do, but, like you, have come to the conclusion that it’s what I enjoy most.

    Yep there are alot of negatives but I’ve seen far worse in other positions. I’ve seen backbiting, cut throat people who’s only goal is to get rich, values I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy and I want no part of that world.

    I don’t know anyone whose only goal is to get rich, but I guess they’re out there. I can count myself lucky, never having met one. 🙂

    I make a difference where it counts, with the kids who will be the future. Nope it’s not the same as a daycare…being a nanny I think I have more autonomy. Who can readily pack 6-10 kids in the car an go to the zoo on a whim? I have two kids and love our impromptu trips to the park on a lovely day.

    Where I live, we’re only allowed 5 kids, so I don’t know about more. However, I think that you grow accustomed to the situation you’re in.. I don’t drive my kids anywhere: I don’t even when I have one or two. But go somewhere on a whim, with five kids? Do it all the time! Parks, museums, open-air markets, historical sites, wading pools, playgroups… We just do it by giant stroller, or on the bus!

    I’ve quit fighting the reality that I am meant to do exactly what I am doing and when I did I got more pleasure out of it. I know in my life I couldn’t do any other job better. When I have a family of my own I plan to quit because then I’ll have my own kids to raise but until then I remain faithfully, a nanny named Shari

    That last paragraph was lovely, Shari. Obviously you’ve chosen the right career for yourself. Your family is lucky to have you!

    Comment by Shari | May 6, 2010 | Reply

  13. I have been a live-in nanny for over three years now and I absolutely love it! The family is wonderful and I love the boys I care for so much.
    Ideally I would love to run my own home daycare, that is my long term goal. But in order to do that I need a home of my own…as a live-in with room and board included I feel I am paid a fair wage but certainly not enough to afford to buy a house.
    I just don’t see how to get there from here.

    Oh, Angela. I feel for you. And I have no idea what to say, except to hope that somehow you find a way to get ahead enough to make that come true for yourself. (Maybe you need to move to Toronto, where Kittenpie lives, and find yourself one of those jobs which enabled the single-mother nanny to buy her own home!)

    Comment by Angela | May 7, 2010 | Reply

  14. I guess I am one of the few who did my nanny career backwards…

    As a pre-teen and teen I babysat all the time. Once I graduated H.S. I worked in a Day Care for a year. Then my father said, “What are you going to do with the rest of your life? Watch kids? Go learn computers, that are where the future is!” (this was back in the mid-80’s). So I wanted to make Dad proud and went to business school. Worked my way up in the Corp. world for over 14 years- but at the age of 35 realized it was a worthless life pursuit and wanted a career I could look back and be proud of. At that time a lot of horror nanny videos were being aired- (as it was the time of Louise Woodward- the 19 year old English Au Pair accused of killing an 8 month old.) I could not fathom why anyone would hurt a child or mis-treat them in such a way that was being shown on the new footage.

    I felt very strongly about taking action and felt if I were a nanny, the children in my care would be treated well.
    So I quit my high level Corp. job and became a nanny over 10 years ago.
    At first I did get a lot of slack from my family who could not understand why I would quit a good job and become a “babysitter.”

    However, when I told them what I earned and all the perks I received- they were taken-a-back- as I more than not, I earned about the same or more than they did. (of course I was working anywhere from 5 to 8 hours more per week than they were- but the perks of the job were well worth it!) And at the end of the week I was tired by ready to go back and start each new week with a passion.

    I now have a job I enjoy going to! Who would not like to come to work each day and have the children smiling in the front window, calling your name happily, and waiting for you to enter and then greet you with smiles hugs and kisses! It’s been great to be a part of a child’s life and teach them life skills that they will have for a lifetime!

    I became very involved with the nanny community and joined INA, NANC and NAEYC, so I now have more friends than ever, and I have started a nanny support group in my area.

    I won’t lie, all days are not flowers and happiness, but that is life and to be expected. The main key is to communicate well with the parents and resolve issues before they turn into more than they are- so you can have a very long and successful relationship. But even before that, go into all interviews with a list of questions, *you* as the nanny ask…i.e., what are their views on eating, sleeping, discipline, outings, TV, etc. and you will be able to find a family you click well with. Once you have all the details ironed out- and before your first day- have a written nanny work agreement- so that both family and nanny know what to expect going forward. You can have a long happy successful career as a nanny, but you must know your limits and not sell yourself short.

    You know, I have nothing whatsoever to add to that. “You must know your limits and not sell yourself short.” I think you’re absolutely correct. That approach will serve you well no matter what your career, but especially for those of us who are self-employed. With that as your guiding principal, you won’t accept a position that’s substandard, and you won’t long tolerate disrespectful behaviour. Nor will you indulge in disrespectful or unprofessional behaviour… because that, too, is selling yourself short.

    Comment by Andrea Flagg | May 9, 2010 | Reply

  15. Blogger-
    I just wanted to comment on your comment ;-D

    You wrote:
    expecially for those of us who are self-employed.

    Are you saying that nannies are “self-employed.?
    If so, I just want to clear that up.

    Yes, I honestly did think nannies were self-employed. Obviously, in the states the families are required to pay their nanny’s taxes, and thus they are employees. I wonder if this is also true in Canada? (I told you I don’t generally poke into other people’s finances!) While I know that many Canadian parents do pay the taxes, I don’t know if it’s legally required. My guess, though, would be that it is, which would make you absolutely correct: nannies are not self-employed.

    Professional Career Nannies are paid on the books-
    I’m not sure what “on the books” means. I am totally above-board. I declare my income and pay my taxes. But, as I’m self-employed, I do that for myself.

    in the eyes of the law- nannies are considered- “household employees” of the families that employe them.

    Their are quite a few laws that protect nannies-
    one being the family is required to pay the nanny taxes-
    and if she is a live-out nanny- time and a half for any hours over 40 hours worked in a 7 day- period.

    Nannies are NOT independent contractors- as many who are not educated on this subject believe so.

    Note: Andrea provided a great deal more information, but I made the executive decision that the comment was too long and detailed to be of interest to most readers. However, she provided some very helpful links to good information for American readers.

    If you are interested in more information on this, check out HomeWork Solutions, and their affiliated site 4nannytaxes for a great deal of facts and assistance on American tax requirements of those who employ nannies. As a quick intro, here’s their FAQ page. If you’d rather speak to someone directly, they have a toll-free line at 1-800-NANITAX.

    Comment by Andrea Flagg | May 11, 2010 | Reply


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