Be still, my heart

“Gkkgkkkgkkkkkgkkkkkkkk…”

It’s hard to write the sound of a child gasping for air and not getting it, the sound of a child struggling to breathe, unsuccessfully.

It’s probably not hard for you to imagine the cold jolt of terror that shoots down my spine and bursts open in my gut when I hear it. How my heart stops for a second, and I freeze in my tracks. How my eyes widen as I — quick, quick, quick — scan one face after another!

One happy, healthy, pink-cheeked face. After another.

“Gkkgkkgkkgkkkkkk…”

Rory smiles at me. Little Rory who has a vocabulary of about 12 words right now. Little Rory, previously the Silent One, is just emerging into the wonderful word of words … and sounds. And hey! Isn’t that just the COOLEST sound, Mary? That I just learned to make? And that I will spend the rest of the day practicing? Over and over again?????

And every time I hear it, EVERY TIME, I get the same cold jolt of terror. And I always check. Of course. Only now I start with Rory.

“Gkkkkgkgkgkkkgkkkkkk…”

Oh, lordy. I’m not sure my heart will survive this phase…