It’s Not All Mary Poppins

The things you hear yourself saying…

“Rory. We do not sit on people’s heads. Off, right now.”

“Please do not pick the baby’s nose.”

“Because she is a dog. People clean their bums with toilet paper.” (This, I hasten to clarify, was strictly a theoretical question. No one had actually tried to implement canine-style personal hygiene.)

“Rory! We certainly don’t BOUNCE on people’s heads.”

Those were mine for today. What were yours?

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June 8, 2011 - Posted by | eeewww, health and safety, quirks and quirkiness

14 Comments »

  1. I’m sorry, did I stick your toe in your eye? (During a particularly spectacular diaper change this morning.)

    Comment by Rayne of Terror | June 8, 2011 | Reply

  2. Paige, let’s pull up our underwear and pants BEFORE we leave the bathroom. (this is after flushing and washing too!)

    Comment by Debbi Does Dinner Healthy | June 8, 2011 | Reply

  3. The strawberry doesn’t go in the potty.

    Comment by Jessica | June 8, 2011 | Reply

  4. I once heard my sister-in-law say, “Peter, put down your gun and your blankie, and come to the table for dinner.”

    Comment by Sharkey | June 8, 2011 | Reply

  5. Your penis cannot put pee pee in the potty when you are playing with it.

    Comment by Samantha | June 8, 2011 | Reply

  6. The cow won’t fit in the washing machine……

    Comment by Angie | June 9, 2011 | Reply

  7. No you may not pour sugar over her head. (Hey, at least he asked first!)

    Comment by Suzanne Lucas | June 9, 2011 | Reply

  8. No, buddy, Mommy’s penis isn’t broken. I don’t have one because I’m a girl. Only boys have a penis. (conversations with my 2-year-old boy can be very interesting sometimes!)

    Comment by Kristy | June 9, 2011 | Reply

  9. “Do you think I would actually feed you frozen liver on a stick?”

    Comment by rosie_kate | June 9, 2011 | Reply

  10. “We do not stick our fingers in other people’s eyes.”

    “Do you need to pee? No? Then please don’t hold your penis while we’re walking down the road.”

    And similar to an earlier commenter, I had a discussion with a newly-in-underwear 3 year old about how it is VERY VERY IMPORTANT to pull down your pants and underwear *before* you sit on the toilet.

    Comment by hodgepodge | June 9, 2011 | Reply

  11. I am laughing hysterically here. Thanks for sharing these! I can’t wait to have kids of my own so I can share my own funny comments.

    Comment by Jo Green | June 9, 2011 | Reply

  12. Oh, I have a better one now, “Please do not wipe your snot on my toe; go get a tissue.”

    Comment by Samantha | June 9, 2011 | Reply

  13. “Please don’t catapult the baby.” (to a toddler “helping” to soothe an infant in his bouncy chair)

    Comment by Claire | June 10, 2011 | Reply

  14. “It’s not polite to play with your willy while you’re talking to someone.”

    Comment by Altissima | June 12, 2011 | Reply


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