Adding to the mythos

The fumes in the room are eye-watering. I dispense with the foulness under Noah’s small bottom as quickly as possible while the crowds gather.

“He gots a giant poo!” Timmy is impressed, even exultant.
“Who does?” Anna races to see. “Nissa?”
“No. Noah.” Timmy is reproving. “Nissa doesn’t poo. She is a girl.”

My husband’s voice, deadpan, from the adjacent room: “No. Girls don’t poo. They don’t fart or sweat, either.”

Timmy nods sagely. “No, they don’t.”

I think he might train early…

Noah, he of One Word Utterances, looks up at me.

“Poopoo.”

“You have a poop in your diaper?”

“Aye.” (Really. He says ‘aye’ for ‘yes’. His parents and I have decided he’s channelling a Scotsman. Either that, or he was Robert the Bruce in a former life.)

And he runs away. Except… he’s not running away. He’s running to our change area. No, I don’t have a changing table. I have a nice diaper shelf which doubles as an end table. The tots are changed on the floor close to the diaper shelves.

He bombs over to the shelves and takes a diaper, one of his diapers, from his section of the shelf, and lies down on his back. When I catch up with him, he hands the diaper to me.

“Nie-puh.” …”Poopoo.”

“You want me to put that clean diaper on you?”

“Aye.”

He’ll be two in a couple of months. I’ve been faked out before, but I’m hoping I see early training in his near future…

Trust is earned, and here’s one way

I try to be flexible with my parents. If your spouse is out of town this week, and you ask nicely, I’ll probably let you pick up 20 minutes late and waive the late fee. I’ve kept the kids late on Valentine’s Day so parents could have a date night. Early drop-offs are never a problem. You come part-time and want to switch days? Not a problem. Your holiday times get switched? I can accommodate.

If you present me with a reeking child and tell me “he pooped in the car!”, I’ll take him with a smile and deal with it. Because it happens.

If you do that twice in one week, I’ll take him with a smile and deal with it. Because it happens, sometimes twice in one week.

If you do that every morning for a month? I’ll start to get a little suspicious. I maybe might not smile so much after the first week or two. Because, yeah, it could happen, I guess, but…

If I look out the window one morning and see you in my driveway, changing your child on the hood of your car? I will cease to be suspicious.

I might even offer you a coffee to take to work with you, you poor soul, you.