Who are you calling ‘baby’?

“Night-time, baby!”
“I’m not a baby any more. Last time I was a baby, before when I was born, but I’m bigger now. Mary, Timmy says I’m a baby.”
(Mary ignores this.)
“It’s time for sleeping. Let’s go sleeping, baby.”
“I’m not a baby!”
“Just in the GAME, Anna. We can be babies inna game.”
“I’m not a baby!”
“It’s just for sleeping. It’s time for sleeping.”
“I will be sleeping with you, but I’m not a baby.”

(Hold that thought, Anna, for another fifteen years or so…)

We knows ALL ABOUT Civility and Gracious Conversation around here.

Picture two sweet elderly ladies, of the generation that values good manners and gentle civility. They speak in soft tones, they interact with gracious warmth. Their questions are rich with interest; they listen patiently to each other’s answers.

Got the picture? Feel the ambience?

Transfer that feeling, if you will, to the following conversation betwixt one Emily, seated on the potty, and Timmy, who crouches in front of her.

“You goin’ onna potty?”
“Yes. Yes, I am sitting on the potty.”
“You havin’ a poo?”
“No, I am not having a poo. I am doing a pee.”
“Maybe you will do a poo inna minnit.”
“No, I don’t think so. I think I will have a poo another time. This time I only need a pee.”
“Yeah. Sometimes you onny hasta do one. I needa poo.”
“You do? Then I will hurry up, and when I’m all done my pee, you can do a poo on top of my pee!”
“Oh, good idea! Thanks, Emmayee.”
“Your wekkum, Timmy.”

The whole conversation positively drips with Gracious Civility. That, and a little bit of pee.

Cutest thing I’ve heard yet today

“Mary, I have the hickuh-puppies.”

Babytalk, part two

Yesterday’s post, and particularly Z’s comment, got me to thinking with great fondness of long-gone turns of phrase in my children’s lives.

At the age of three, Haley had the most lyrical imagination. I wish that I’d thought to write her creative phrases and delicious adjectives down at the time, because I know that hundreds have been lost forever. (Can you hear my heartfelt sigh?) Two stay with me.

Upon encountering a lawn sprinkler for the first time, the sort that is a plastic doughnut that sits on the grass and sends out a sort of half-torus of radiating arcs of water, she exclaimed,

“Look, mummy! It’s a droopy-up!”

Isn’t that just so sweeeet?

We were driving home after dark one winter evening. She must have been outside after dark before. Even sleep-hardass Mary wouldn’t have had her children in bed by four p.m., which is when it gets dark in January in these parts, but for whatever reason, she noticed the streetlights for the first time.

“Oooooh.” Her voice was awestruck. “Mummy! See the crystal trees?”

When Adam was just shy of two, we lived a few blocks from a fire station. Imagine the excitement when a firetruck burst onto the street, the deep blast of the horn, the shrill call of the siren. Imagine a little boy in footed pajamas, standing up in his crib and pointing at the window, bouncing to the noise, and calling out,

“Vider-fucks! Vider-fucks!”

There was also “own-der-eye-gle”, which was almost as exciting. Too bad those things don’t have sirens.

Emma, for reasons known only to herself, called socks “gookums” for a solid year. (No, of course I didn’t correct her. She was my third. By now I’d learned how fleeting and precious these things are; I’d also learned that she’d get this sort of thing right without my help…)

Gookums. It’s still a puzzlement!

She was also the one who called her paternal grandparents “Gamma and Gamma”, which was cute right there, but even funnier was her indignation when the WRONG “Gamma” answered.

“Not you, Gamma! GAMMA!” Well, that clears it right up.

It’s probably just as well we didn’t know which was which, because she played favourites. “Gamma is NICER than Gamma.” Okay, then. (And you know, to this day I have no idea which Gamma was the “nicer” one. They were both pretty-near perfect grandparents, far as I could make out.)

Okay. Those are some of my fond remembrances. Thank you to Haley for giving me a couple of these! Note to all you young mothers out there: WRITE THESE THINGS DOWN! You think you could never possibly forget — but you will. And it will cause you deep regret, and many a wistful sigh.

So. Let’s write some of them down, right now! What are your children’s cute sayings, mispronounciations, malapropisms … How do your kids mangle the language in a totally ADORABLE way? Tell us in the comments.

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